Only a few hours left before your first that with that ravishing woman you’ve met online, and you can’t seem to get it together. You’re staring at your phone and dealing with a million confusing thoughts starting from what you should wear to how to start a conversation on the date.
If this is you, don’t worry, you’re not alone. The first date is usually a nerve-racking experience for everyone.
Here’s how you should try and cope with first-date jitters in just five simple steps:
Recognize the real cause
When you’re mind gets all blurry and your palms start sweating as you wait for your date to arrive, it surely feels like you’ve got nothing but your nerves to blame.
The easy way of handling things would be the same way most people do: just sit out the entire date and secretly complain to yourself how you’re normally a fun, cool person, and if these nerves weren’t so crazy tonight, your date would be all over you by the end of the evening. But, the easy way is not necessarily the right way.
The nerves shouldn’t be blamed because they’re not the problem here. It’s not the nerves, it’s you – specifically, it’s how you deal with the nerves.
You don’t actually run out of things to talk because you’re nervous. Your mind goes blank and you can’t think of anything interesting because you’re using all you’ve got trying to hide your nerves.
If you’re trying to pretend to be confident and super-cool that’s going to take your focus away from that gorgeous woman and from what she’s saying and doing.
While focusing on what she might think of you and if she notices your wrecked nerves, you’re missing out on so much. She might be giving you many avenues, many opportunities, many possible tangents for picking up on quality conversation, and you will miss out on it all.
Your nerves aren’t the problem – focusing on hiding them is the problem.
Own your jitters
Stop trying to hide your nervousness. Deal with it.
For starters, stop pretending the jitters aren’t there. Stand strong and proud and look at yourself in the mirror saying to yourself, “Yes, I’m a nervous man right now.”
The truth is if you’re going on a first date and you aren’t nervous about it, something would have to be seriously wrong with you. It would mean you’re about to go on a date with someone you aren’t really that attracted to. That, or you’re dead inside. Neither of these two is good.
Now that you’ve discovered it’s the fact that you keep trying to hide your nerves that holds you down, it’s time to do something about it. Take full responsibility and don’t try to hide it from anyone, not your friends, nor the taxi driver.
Talk about it
Now that you’ve owned your nervousness, the next thing to do is share it with the world. No, that doesn’t mean you should update your Facebook status to, “Oh my God, I’m a nervous wreck!”, or broadcast a video of your nervous self on YouTube.
Call a friend and talk to him/her about what you’re going through. Tell them how you feel without putting on a facade and trying to look like some kind of a cool superhero. Tell everything just the way it is. The very act of talking about it to someone you trust will give you a cozy little piece of mind.
Now, the important part: when your date turns up, tell her as well. Yes, that’s right, tell her you’re nervous. One of three things is going to happen:
- She’ll say, “So am I!”
- She’ll say, “You don’t have to be nervous!”
- She’ll give you a condescending look and change the topic.
The best thing about it? They’re all positive answers! How?
Is she says, “So am I!”, the two of you can laugh about it, talk about it and share your funny jitters stories.
If she says, “You don’t have to be!”, simply tell her you do have to be nervous because you never date people who don’t make you nervous and also tell her you hope she’s nervous herself.
If you get number three, the condescending look and change of topic, then you will know right there and then that this is a woman who will never accept you for who you are, and feel free to leave the place. Yes, leave. Right away. This is a woman who looks down on you for feeling nervous about your first date, meaning she expects you to be something you’re not. That one condescending look will tell you everything you need to know about this woman, without having to sit there for 3 hours and spend a bunch of money.
Whichever happens, you win.
Have fun with it
Now that you came out and let that burden off your back (and off your mind), have fun with it. Make jokes about it. Play with it.
Don’t go over the top though, you don’t want to talk about your nervousness all evening. Use it as a running commentary throughout the night to score her on how well she’s doing. How better than you she’s doing. She’s going to love it, and if things go well and this date turns into a relationship, the two of you can have cute inside jokes about nervous you used to be on your first date.
Focus on her
Now that your nerve-hiding is out of the way and you’ve stopped wasting all your focus and energy on pretending you’re some kind of a macho hero, you can focus on what’s really important: her.
Listen to her, talk to her, share stories with her, laugh with her, play with her. Get to know the woman in front of you and try to figure out if she’s the kind of person you want in your life. Ask questions; let her see you’re interested in her life, thoughts and dreams.
It’s perfectly OK to be nervous on your first date. It happens to everyone, it’s something you can’t avoid. The point is not to try to hide it and waste all of your energy and focus on pretending to be something you’re not.
It’s ok to like her so much, it’s ok to show her you like her, and it’s ok to tell her you like her so much, it’s making you nervous. For the right woman, this will be a compliment, and women love complimen