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If you want to ensure you never get invited to play with your date, or you never get a call from her at all, here are the methods you need to use. If you do these things, you will become the person who never got a call back from his date and the person no one wants to play with again:
1. Be late
If the tee time is at 2 p.m. arrive at exactly 2 p.m. Let your date wonder if you’ve forgotten about them. The uncertainty of it always adds up to the fun.
2. Be slow
Once it’s your turn on the tee, reach for your bag and start looking for you ball of your glove. Don’t have them prepared, being prepared is overrated. In case you putt last, wait until everyone else is finished, and then begin to read your putt. In case you are a beginner, make sure you plumb bob every ball. If you lose a ball in the woods, make sure you check every leaf, and make sure you stay in there for hours, holding up the whole game. Hey, golf balls are expensive!
3. Be loud
When you see someone’s hitting, ask them a question right there and then. Always keep your cellphone on and with you. If someone is putting, make sure they notice you and walk around the green, right there where they can catch you with the corner of their eye.
4. Be serious about your partner’s score
If your partner tells you they carded a five, make sure to point out that an OB requires a two-stroke penalty. Of course you have to be a stickler for the rules. Everyone loves that, especially your date. Of course, be as creative as possible with your own points. If you score an eight, just shave off a couple of strokes and give yourself a solid six.
5. Don’t mind the dress code
Dress codes are for snobs, we all know this. Why care about what everyone else is wearing, when you can be perfectly fashion-forward? Wear short, tight shorts, random T-shirts, and if you can get away with it, even wear jeans. Be a rebel, shake up that stuff place a bit.
6. Be extremely grumpy when you’re losing
Now is not the time to be a gentleman. Curse, throw your clubs and act generally angry while you’re playing. For the best effect ever, insinuate that your poor score is somehow your partner’s fault. Fill yourself with tension and spread it around. If you’re not enjoying yourself and having a bad day, your partner should feel the same way.